ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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