He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Randomize
