I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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