my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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