i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
