I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
