babies were throwing up all over the place
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
