weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
