you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
