I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
