You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
