if you like me you must not know who I am
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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