i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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