Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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