splinters make it hard to masturbate
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
