Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
