you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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