Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
