I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
