i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
