I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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