No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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