If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
