Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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