Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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