omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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