Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
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