My nipple is on Facebook.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
