I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
