I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
We were destined to go to rehab together
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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