dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
