remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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