New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
