So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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