Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
