We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
