I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
