420 ftw
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
