Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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