question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
