well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
