You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
