I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
