Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
