I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
