i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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