im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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