I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
