Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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