So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
