I am full of burrito and curiosity
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
