Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
