I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
