also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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