I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
