I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
