i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
