Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
