Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
